6 Steps to Deliver Hard Feedback Well

Let’s be honest—no one likes giving hard feedback. And most people don’t love receiving it either.

It’s uncomfortable, emotional, and if you’re not careful, it can feel like a personal attack… even when your intentions are good.

That’s why the feedback method I learned during my time at Salesforce stuck with me.

It’s called the SBI Model—short for Situation, Behavior, and Impact—and it’s still the most useful framework I’ve found for delivering feedback that’s clear, kind, and effective.

But here’s the thing most people miss:

Hard conversations fail when the person delivering the news fails to check their own assumptions first.

Let’s dive in, because if there’s one truth about hard conversations, it’s this: tough feedback is like taking out the trash.

No one wants to do it, but if you wait too long, it overflows and stinks up your whole house.

Why Hard Feedback Feels So Personal

When someone on your team drops the ball, your brain instinctively fills in the blanks to try and understand why that happened.

And those blanks usually sound something like this:

“Why do they keep committing deals that never close? They must be inflating the numbers to look good—or they just have no idea how to actually qualify opportunities.”

“How hard is it to send a follow-up email? Are they just disorganized? Or do they not care about closing business?”

“Why do they keep skipping steps? Do they not respect the sales process, or think they know better?”

When we assume intent, we tend to assume the worst. And when emotion enters the room, productive feedback often walks out.

First, Check Your Assumptions

The best leaders know how to separate facts from frustration.

That starts by pressing pause on your inner monologue and asking:

“What story am I telling myself about their behavior?”

“Is there another possible explanation?”

As Kim Scott says in Radical Candor:

“You can care personally without getting upset, and you can challenge directly without being harsh.”

Most of the time, the issue isn’t that your rep is lazy or sabotaging themselves—it’s that they haven’t connected the dots between their behavior and the impact it's having on those around them.

When you start by checking your assumptions about why someone is behaving in a certain way, only then can you effectively help them understand the impact of their behavior.

Intention vs. Impact

To quote the creators of the SBI model at the Center for Creative Leadership:

“The only way to know someone’s intention is to ask. And the only way they’ll understand their impact is if you tell them.”

Feedback is a two-way street. If you want real change to happen, then you can’t take an approach that’s driven by scolding or shame. You’re there to partner with them and to uncover what’s really going on and solve a problem together.

How to Use the SBI Model

Let’s talk through how to apply SBI in real life  (without sounding like a robot or like you’re reading from a script):

Step 1: Check Your Assumptions

Before you say anything, check the story in your head. What other narratives could be true? If needed, talk this out with a trusted leader or someone in HR. Heck, you could even use AI for this; just be sure to give context and remove names to keep things anonymous.

Step 2: Start the Conversation by Describing the Situation

Stick to the facts, and keep the drama, bias, and emotion out of it (Step 1 will help with this).

Step 3: Name the Behavior

Share what you observed as actions, not character traits.

Step 4: Ask About Their Intent

Open the door to their perspective. You’re not a mind reader, so don’t pretend to be one.

Step 5: Share the Impact

Explain how the behavior is affecting the team, the customer, or the business.

Step 6: Collaborate on What’s Next

Co-create ways to change. Accountability will naturally take shape when the person helps to shape the solution.

A Real Example: The “Unprepared Rep”

Let’s do a deep dive into a real example. Let’s say you’ve noticed a rep consistently showing up unprepared for meetings.

Your Inner Monologue:

“They’re just winging it. Do they not realize how bad this looks to customers?”

Your Assumption Check:

“Is it that they don’t care—or could they be unclear on what ‘prep’ looks like? Maybe they’re overwhelmed or weren’t coached properly.”

Starting the Conversation:

“Hey, thanks for making time to chat. One of my jobs as your leader is to help you lead productive customer meetings. I’d like to talk to you about a few things I’ve observed recently and their impact on your pipeline and close rates.”

Apply the SBI Model:

Situation: “In our XYZ meeting earlier this week…” Behavior: “You didn’t reference the account history or set a clear agenda.” Impact: “That can make prospects feel undervalued and limit our ability to build trust or uncover key details.”

Then, Invite Their POV:

“I’d love to hear how that meeting felt to you. Anything you’d approach differently in hindsight?”

One Final Step: Document It

Once you’ve had the conversation, jot down a quick summary in your shared 1:1 doc. Ask them to also write down in that same 1:1 doc what their key takeaways are from the conversation.

This helps both of you track themes, align on next steps, and shows your rep that you’re invested in their development, not just documenting problems.

Become a leader who directs their team with clarity, builds trust, and gets better results. 

Set up a free discovery call with me to explore executive coaching for anyone leading a sales team.